


Until

by wargoddess



Series: Conjunctions [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, PWP, Past Shepard/Cortez, Post-Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:44:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1466482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wargoddess/pseuds/wargoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't want to screw up again. I always have, before. But... I don't know how to do this right."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until

**Author's Note:**

> The same night as the ending of "Because", so probably a good idea to read that first. But if you wanna be hard-headed, this is post-Synthesis ending, in which Shepard completed the Cortez romance but the Kaidan romance flag was left unfulfilled.

     _It's kind of amazing that a man so handsome and powerful is so... shy_ , Cortez thinks of Alenko.

     It shouldn't be amazing. Cortez should be used to it by now. Most of the guys he dated in school, or at the flight academy, were like that. Robert was like that -- gorgeous, accomplished, but collapsing into a stammering mess whenever he had half a romantic thought. Shepard was the same, bold enough to stare down a Reaper, but painfully awkward where it came to flirting, and so damned earnest behind closed doors that he was like another person. Maybe that's just the kind of guy Cortez attracts: big damn heroes who suck at the personal stuff.

     Alenko -- Kaidan -- may be the worst of the set, though. It's partly that he's awkward in public too. Oh, not when he's working; then he's sure of himself, controlled, ferocious in fact. Cortez has watched him on the battlefield and it's an awesome sight: his eyes blazing blue fire, his skin literally radiating power, his every aggressive thought made manifest. When he's giving orders himself or following someone else's lead, he's not chatty, never unfocused, never intimidated, so competent that you want to hate him. (Then you want him on your team.) Easy to see why he's the second human Spectre. But in the mess hall or over cards, Kaidan doesn't keep eye contact well once the conversation turns friendly. He laughs at the wrong times, weakly, and makes jokes that aren't very good. He smiles and then looks embarrassed that he's done so. Like he's done something wrong by letting an emotion slip through his façade.

     He's silent now, still, tense, as Cortez steps close. Always awkward, these first times; probably why Cortez has never been one for casual encounters. He's met guys on the club scene and sometimes taken them home, but always as a trial for more later. When he wants someone, he doesn't want them just once. He wants the pleasure that comes of getting to know someone, learning what they like, becoming something they need.

     And Kaidan -- well, he needs so much. That's obvious.

     The first kiss is brief, tentative, and nearly all Cortez. Kaidan just stands there, maybe flinches a little. The flinch worries Cortez because he's heard about what went on at Jump Zero, back when nobody thought human biotic kids needed protecting. But then Kaidan takes a deep breath and makes a palpable effort to relax and nudges back. It's not much of a kiss. Cortez thinks it's progress, though, and he tries again, just a brushing of lips, a tasting, a question, and Kaidan answers it with a harder nudge, actual lip pressure, something kisslike, and then --

     -- and suddenly he's _on_ Cortez, all lips and tongue and _slurping_ , practically climbing through his mouth to get inside him. It's -- holy fuck. Cortez suddenly hopes Kaidan likes to suck cock. Or suck anything. He really wants this mouth elsewhere on his skin.

     It gets frantic then -- too frantic. Been too damn long for both of them. Kaidan yanks his shirt off; Cortez has only a second to see Kaidan's perfect hair all mussed before Kaidan's on him again, cupping his face, feeding Cortez his tongue. Cortez unfastens Kaidan's fatigues and pushes them open, and Kaidan is gripping his ass and grinding against him -- Kaidan's taller, it's not quite right, but it's still unbearably hot -- and Cortez is trying to toe his boots off and suddenly they're both mostly naked and the world jars as they land in Shepard's bed. Then Kaidan's mouth is on his side -- how the hell did he get there? -- and his hands are all over and he's scooching down and Cortez can't figure out what to touch first when he wants _everything_ and oh fuck Kaidan _does_ like to suck cock and it feels like flying his Trident down into the eye of a gas giant storm --

     "Oh, my God," Cortez gasps, and he doesn't even have time to warn Kaidan before he's gone. He's had better orgasms, but not many. And even through the roar of his own blood he's amazed, because Kaidan's lips are flush with his pubic hair and Cortez is not a small man.

     Kaidan's still licking him clean when Cortez can finally breathe and think again, and it's too much. He groans and grabs at the man's hair and hauls him up. "That's... you're... whoa."

     Kaidan grins, and it's _shy_ , that makes no sense, men who suck cock that thoroughly shouldn't be shy. But after a moment of Cortez just staring at him, speechless, the shyness gets a smug edge. "I just..." He shrugs. "I liked the sounds you made. I wanted to hear more."

     Cortez can't even remember making sounds. "You're kind of scary, Major."

     Definitely not shy, that grin, as Kaidan moves up Cortez's body and kisses along his collarbones. "Kept you waiting all this time. I didn't want to disappoint you."

     He's lying half on Cortez, all smolder and skin, and Cortez is still shaky from having his cock and mind blown. "I... don't think disappointment is a possibility, here." He smooths his hands over Kaidan's shoulders, marveling that a biotic has so much muscle. Most of the ones Cortez has known are skinny, with a perpetually starved look; they don't take in enough calories to maintain a healthy weight. Fascinated, Cortez wriggles to get out from under Kaidan so he can get a good look. Kaidan shifts off him clumsily, and laughs in a sheepish sort of way; they've both still got pants and underwear looped around their ankles. Cortez chuckles and kicks his off, then helps Kaidan do the same.

     Then it's quiet again, which Cortez likes, because he needs concentration to study Kaidan properly. He needs to understand the squared curves of the man's hips and the compact S of where his ass meets the small of his back meets the rise of his shoulderblades. This is a pilot thing; he knows Moreau does it too, and maybe he's satisfied with the precisely-engineered curves of EDI's mobile platform. Cortez prefers organic imperfection: the way the left dimple above Kaidan's ass is somehow more shallow than the right one; the blotch of a birthmark just to the right of his mid-spine; the faint scar beneath his left shoulder, hinting at a deep wound that wasn't medi-gelled in time; the dusting of hair that starts at the nape of his neck. Kaidan doesn't resist when Cortez rolls him onto his back to continue this inspection. He looks curious, maybe a little surprised by Cortez's interest.

     Hmm. Curiosity and mild surprise aren't what Cortez wants to see in him.

     So he slides a hand under Kaidan's neck, and meanwhile kisses first one nipple, then the other. He can feel Kaidan's twitch when he does this, which is all the feedback he needs to start licking. A tongue-probe doesn't elicit that twitch again, but -- ah -- a delicate flicker does. So Cortez flickers, and moves over to the other nipple to flicker some more, and Kaidan's breath is starting to quicken. Then Cortez is sliding a hand down his back, which is a harder move to make than it seems because Kaidan's solid, but it's worth it for the way he arches as Cortez traces his spine. After this it's so much of a temptation to go for that magnificent ass that Cortez _doesn't_ ; it would be the cliché thing to do, the lazy choice. Instead he pulls his hand out from under Kaidan and strokes down his hip and up his thigh and Kaidan's inhaling, Cortez feels the muscles shift beneath his hand as Kaidan lifts his leg a little, he's so eager, and then Cortez has Kaidan's cock in his hand.

     It's a gorgeous cock. Not too long, nice and fat, with the kind of cockhead Cortez absolutely loves to feel when he's being fucked -- spade-wide and top-heavy and almost perfectly round. It's beautifully hard when Cortez grazes its under-ridge with just the pads of his fingers, and it twitches when Cortez circles its base to get a feel for his girth, and when Cortez finally closes his fingers and strokes --

     "Oh, God," Kaidan groans, his hips buckling a little. Yeah. _That's_ what Cortez wants to see.

     So he's ruthless about it, and maybe a little greedy, massaging Kaidan slowly when it's clear the man desperately craves a fast stroke, tormenting his nipples just to watch him twitch, bending to half-swallow him every time Kaidan gets too comfortable with the hand-rhythm. He likes keeping a Spectre on his toes. He likes the look on Kaidan's face, too, the man's visible struggle to keep some semblance of dignity intact when it's clear he's kind of coming apart. Or maybe not dignity, maybe -- ah, yes. It's gratifying when Kaidan's control finally slips enough that he starts to glow. There's no feel of danger in it, even though the stuff crawling over his skin is _dark energy_ , the stuff that kills stars. It's _Kaidan's_ dark energy, and that makes Cortez like it. It makes Cortez want to touch it, and he does, pressing against Kaidan's side and nuzzling at his chin while Kaidan pants and writhes beneath Cortez's hand and makes low, pleading sounds. The biotic energy hums and throbs between their skins, kind of like the pulse of a mass effect core, and all of a sudden Cortez wants to ride it. Feel Kaidan buck and shift and flare beneath him like a fighter, controlled by the touch of Cortez's stick. (He snickers at the thought.)

     There'll be time for that later, though. Oh, yes; he's not done with Major Alenko by far.

     So he grins when Kaidan finally utters a wordless cry and twitch-flops upward and flails at the sheets, and he jerks faster as he feels Kaidan's cock spasm so that there's a lovely lacing of white on the man's tan skin by the time his glow fades. Some of it falls on one of the nipples Cortez has been tormenting, and he helpfully laves it clean. Kaidan sobs something unintelligible at this, shuddering all over as his cock stutters one last time, and then he flops.

     "What was that, Major?" Cortez grins as Kaidan gasps for breath. Delicious sight: Kaidan Alenko, hero of the Council, second human Spectre, laid low by Cortez's hand. He keeps that hand flexing, stroking Kaidan slowly and listening to the catches of his breath. "Don't think I heard you."

     "Ohhh," Kaidan says. He fumbles a limp-fingered hand down to catch Cortez's, and only then does Cortez stop. "Ohhhhhh, God. No more. I think I just died."

     "You've left a beautiful corpse." Cortez stretches up and nuzzles under his chin, licking a droplet of sweat that's formed on his neck. Kaidan tastes of salt and lemon and the faintest whiff of ozone -- like how Cortez has always thought lightning might taste. (Shepard never tasted like this. It's not a biotic thing, plainly. It's just Kaidan.) He restrains the urge to lick more for now, and says, "I didn't want to disappoint you."

     To Cortez's surprise, Kaidan doesn't laugh. Instead he shifts a little to sit up on one elbow, a look on his face that's almost troubled, which means it must _really_ be bothering him if he's feeling it after that orgasm. "You don't, you know," Kaidan says, obviously groping for the words. "This isn't -- I don't want -- It's not some kind of... _substitution_. You know?"

     Cortez blinks, then suddenly realizes what he's getting at. Well, it's not the best time for the talk, but... He rolls onto his back to relax, and Kaidan settles on his side to watch him. They should probably clean up before everything dries and gets sticky, but... eh, whatever.

     "I do know," Cortez says. Something in Kaidan's face eases, and Cortez kicks himself for not realizing it sooner. It's the same worry Shepard had -- that Cortez was just using him as a replacement for Robert. They had a few talks about it before Shepard accepted that there was more to it. Plainly Kaidan doesn't beat around the bush as much as Shepard did; this is probably a good thing. "It's not like that for me, you know."

     Kaidan lowers his eyes. "You loved him. I could tell. It wasn't just a thing."

     "I did. I still do." Cortez lifts a hand, traces the little frown between those big dark eyebrows. "Still love Robert, too." _Like you still love Shepard_.

     Kaidan seems to hear this thought. He lifts his eyes again, and abruptly Cortez realizes it's not shyness that he's seen in the man, all this time. It's _fear_.

     "I don't know if it's like that for me or not," he says softly, and there's a loneliness in his voice, a wanting, that makes Cortez blink and think maybe Kaidan's not the kind to want someone just once, either. "I don't want to screw up again. I always have, before. But... I don't know how to do this right."

     "'This?'" Cortez knows full well what he means. He just wants to see if Kaidan will admit it.

     Kaidan nods a little, accepting the test. And then it's there in his face -- that battle intensity, that absolute focus. Directed at _him_. Wow. "Us."

     Well, well. Not shy at all, really.

     Cortez rolls onto his side too, facing Kaidan, almost nose to nose, close enough to feel his warmth down the length of his body, but with an inch or two of space between them. "So we take it slow," he suggests. It's not really a suggestion. "We stop, now and again, and reevaluate. Right?"

     Kaidan swallows, nods. Then something in his gaze shifts and he's looking at Cortez's mouth, and he licks his lips. "Right," he says. "But, uh, in the meantime..." It's a question. A plea, maybe, from a man too proud to even notice that he's begging.

     So Cortez relents, because the teasing is driving him crazy too, and he shifts to close the distance between them and slides an arm around Kaidan to let him know he wants more. "In the meantime... we don't waste time."

     Kaidan nods, wordless, his face all eyes and his mouth all want when he kisses Cortez again. And Cortez thinks, with a certainty borne of healing and experience: _Yeah. This is gonna be good_.

     Every moment of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Might be more; dunno. Hell, you guys know my muse by now. :)


End file.
